Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People

By Vanessa Van Edwards

Introduction

• People with high PQ make on average $29,000 more per year than people with average PQ.
• 90 percent of top business performers have high PQ.
• Individuals with strong interpersonal communication report being 42 percent happier and more fulfilled with their lives.

Part I

The First Five Minutes

Control

How to win the social game

• Harry Truman example - played to his strength, one-on-one rapport building. Optimized his interactions for success.
• Feigning extroversion is like trying to play center with lifts on. Trying to socially fake it until you make it burns a whole lot of extra energy and doesn’t really work. It also comes across as inauthentic.
• No matter how many behavior hacks you learn, if you go to events that make you unhappy, it will be incredibly difficult to increase your memorability.
• Hack #1: The Social Game Plan - take control of your interactions and play by your social rules.
• Skill #1: Play Your Position
  • Know your thrive, neutral, and survive environments
• Skill #2: Work a Room
  • Start zone, side zone, social zone
  • Social zone is where the magic happens. Best place to start working a room is right where people exit the bar - anxiety died down, drinks in hand and ready to mingle.
  • If you’re an introvert you can be a Grazer - instead of hitting buffet once, space it out, its an easy way to take a break or move on.
• Skill #3: Know Your Team
  • African Proverb: If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
  • Winger and Riser
  • Bottom line: you do not have to like everybody. It takes far more work to get along with people or try new behavior hacks in a location that makes you nervous or uncomfortable. By controlling where, how, and with whom your interactions take place, you can set yourself up for more success.
• Succeeding with people is about engineering what works for you.
• Review:
  • Stop forcing yourself to socialize in ways that drain you
  • Go where you thrive, avoid where you survive
  • Say no so you have the energy to say yes
• Approach: open body language, searching eye gaze