By Robert Greene

“Man will only become better when you make him see what he is like” - Anton Chekhov

Master Your Emotional Self

The Law of Irrationality

• Rationality is the ability to counteract these emotional effects, to think instead of react, to open your mind to what is really happening, as opposed to what you are feeling. It does not come naturally; it is a power we must cultivate, but in doing so we realize our greatest potential.
• The Inner Athena
  • Pericles speaking style - restrained and dignified. He did not go in for the usual flights of rhetoric. Instead, he worked to convince an audience through airtight arguments. This would make people listen closely, as they followed the interesting course of his logic. The style was compelling and calming.
  • In his conception, the human mind has to worship something, has to have its attention directed to something it values above all else. For most people, it is their ego; for some it is their family, their clan, their god, or their nation. For Pericles it would be nous, the Ancient Greek word for “mind” or “intelligence.” Nous is a force that permeates the universe, creating meaning and order. The human mind is naturally attracted to this order; this is the source of our intelligence. For Pericles, the nous that he worshipped was embodied in the figure of the goddess Athena.
    • To cultivate this, he first had to find a way to master his emotions…Pericles trained himself to never react in the moment, to never make a decision while under the influence of a strong emotion. Instead, he analyzed his feelings.
  • Understand: Like everyone, you think you are rational, but you are not. Rationality is not a power you are born with but one you acquire through training and practice. The voice of Athena simply stands for a higher power that exists within you right now, a potential you have perhaps felt in moments of calmness and focus, the perfect idea coming to you after much thinking. You are not connected to this higher power in the present because your mind is weighed down with emotions….Your attention is pulled this way and that, and without the rational standard to guide your decisions, you never quite reach the goals that you set. At any moment this can change with a simple decision - to cultivate your inner Athena. Rationality is then what you will value the most and that which will serve as your guide.
    • Learn to question yourself
    • Emotions tend to narrow the mind, making us focus on one or two ideas that satisfy our immediate desire for power or attention, ideas that usually backfire. Now, with a calm spirit, you can entertain a wide range of options and solutions….When people besiege you with their endless dramas and petty emotions, you will resent the distraction and apply your rationality to think past them. Like an an athlete continually getting stronger through training, your mind will become more flexible and resilient. Clear and calm, you will see answers and creative solutions that no one else can envision.
• Keys to Human Nature
  • Understand: The first step toward becoming rational is to understand our fundamental irrationality.
    • Progress and technology have not retired us; they have merely altered the forms of our emotions and the type of irrationality that comes with them.
    • We constantly feel emotions, and they continually infect our thinking, making us veer toward thoughts that please us and soothe our egos. It is impossible to not have our inclinations and feelings somehow involved in what we think. Rational people are aware of this and through introspection and effort are able, to some extent, to subtract emotions from their thinking and counteract their effect. Irrational people have no such awareness. They rush into action without carefully considered the ramifications and consequences.
  • Step One: Recognize the Biases
    • Confirmation Bias
    • Conviction Bias
    • Appearance Bias
    • The Group Bias
    • The Blame Bias
    • Superiority Bias
• Step Two: Beware the Inflaming Factors
  • Trigger points from early childhood
    • In the midst of such an attack, we must struggle to detach ourselves and contemplate the possible source - the wound in early childhood - and the patterns it has lacked us into.
  • Sudden gains or losses
    • Whenever you experience unusual gains or losses that is precisely the time to step back and counterbalance them with some necessary pessimism or optimism. Be extra wary of sudden success and attention - they are not built on anything that lasts and they have an addictive pull.
  • Rising pressure
    • It is often wise to observe people in such moments, precisely as a way to judge their true character.
    • Never imagine that you are someone who can withstand rising stress without emotional leakage. It is not possible. But through self-awareness and reflection you can prevent yourself from making decisions you will come to regret.
  • Inflaming individuals
    • They inevitably try to cast a larger-than-life image, a mythic, intimidating quality; but in fact they are all too human, full of the same insecurities and weaknesses we all possess. Try to recognize these very human traits and demythologize them.
  • The group effect
    • Resent any kind of intrusion upon your independent mind by others. When you feel you are in the pretense of a demagogue, become doubly wary and analytical.
• Step Three: Strategies Toward Bringing Out the Rational Self
  • Know yourself thoroughly
  • Examine your emotions to their roots
  • Increase your reaction time
    • The longer you can resist reacting, the more mental space you have for actual reflection, and the stronger your mind will become
  • Accept people as facts
  • Find the optimal balance of thinking and emotion
    • The rider and the horse
  • Love the rational

Transform Self-love into Empathy

The Law of Narcissism

• We are all narcissists, some deeper on the spectrum than others. Our mission in life is to come to terms with this self-love and learn how to turn our sensitivity outward, towards others, instead of inward.
• The Narcissistic Spectrum
  • Deep narcissists can be annoying and frustrating to deal with; they can also become quite harmful if we get too close to them. They entangle us in their never ending dramas and make us feel guilty if we are not continually paying them attention…In the end, everything must revolve around them. The best solution in such cases is to get out of their way, once we identify them as a deep narcissist.
  • One variety that is more dangerous - the narcissistic leader. Almost all dictator types and tyrannical CEOs fall into this category…If they have success, a terrible momentum is set in place - more people are attracted to their leadership, which only inflates their grandiose tendencies.
  • Moralizers who try to separate themselves and denounce the narcissists in the world today are often the biggest narcissists of them all - they love the sound of their voice as they point fingers and preach.
  • Must make the transition from functional narcissist to healthy narcissist
  • The empathetic attitude
    • The greatest danger you face is your general assumption that you really understand people and that you can quickly judge and categorize them.
  • Visceral empathy
    • Pay deep attention to the moods of people, as indicated by their body language and tone of voice.
  • Analytic empathy
    • Abraham Lincoln - “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
    • Analytic empathy comes mostly through conversation and gathering information that will allow you to get inside the spirit of others.
  • The empathic skill
    • A process. You need feedback. In the direct form, you ask people about their thoughts and feelings to get a sense of whether you have guessed correctly. This must be discreet and based on a level of trust, but it can be a very accurate gauge of your skill. Then there is the indirect form - you sense a greater rapport and how certain techniques have worked for you.
• Four Examples of Narcissistic Types
  • The Complete Control Narcissist
    • Joseph Stalin - the great riddle his type presents is how people who are so deeply narcissistic can also be charming and, through their charm, gain influence.
    • Tend to have more ambition and energy than the average deep narcissist. Greater insecurities. Hypersensitive to any perceived slight.
    • They can mimic empathy. The difference is that from within, they are impelled not by the need to connect but by the need to control people and manipulate them. They listen and probe you in order to discover weaknesses to play on.
    • Complete control narcissists stimulate your desire to get closer to them but keep you at arm’s distance.
  • The Theatrical Narcissist
    • Jeanne de Belciel example
    • They play on your empathy…Everything they do or say is for public consumption. Do not let yourself become collateral damage in their drama.
  • The Narcissistic Couple
    • Tolstoy example
    • What generally makes a relationship narcissistic is the lack of empathy that makes the partners retreat deeper and deeper into their own defensive positions
    • The key to employing empathy within a relationship is to understand the value system of the other person, which inevitably is different from yours…will allow you to enter their spirit and perspective precisely in the moment you would normally turn defensive.
  • The Healthy Narcissist - the Mood Reader
    • Attune yourself to the shifting moods of individuals and the group. Get a read on each person’s particular psychology and what motivates them. Try to take their perspective, enter their world and value system. You will suddenly become aware of an entire world of nonverbal behavior you never knew existed.

See Through People’s Masks

The Law of Role-playing

• People continually leak out their true feeling and unconscious desires in the nonverbal cues they cannot completely control…you must master this language.
• Since appearances are what people judge you by, you must learn how to present the best front and play your role to maximum effect.
• The Second Language
  • Milton Erickson - to master this language, he had to relax and control the continual need to interpret with words or categorize what he was seeing. He had to tamp down his ego - thinking less of what he wanted to say and instead directing his attention outward into the other person, attuning himself to their changing moods as reflected in their body language.
  • As Erickson progressed in this self-transformation, he noticed that most people go in the opposite direction - becoming more self-absorbed and un observant with each passing year…As he saw it, the harshness of life makes most people turn inward. They have no mental space left over for simple observations, and the second language largely passes them by.
• Keys to Human Nature
  • Must understand and accept the theatrical quality of life
  • Must not be naïve and mistake people’s appearances for reality